I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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