you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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