Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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