I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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