Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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