i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
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Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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