I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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