dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
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I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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