Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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