i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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