i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
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No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
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Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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