I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize