She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
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I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
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Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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