you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
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I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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