she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
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Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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