I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize