Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
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I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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