did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
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Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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