Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize