The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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