I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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