im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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