Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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