the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Oh god it's open bar.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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