I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize