By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
My pussy is not your playground.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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