In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
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your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
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Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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