hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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