So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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