I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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