why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
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Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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