dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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