god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
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I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
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did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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