i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
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Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
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Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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