I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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