Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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