one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
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Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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