I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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