I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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