laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
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Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
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Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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