I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
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Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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