I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
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I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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