and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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