Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize