Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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