So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
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I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You don't make any sense
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