forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize