Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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