I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize