Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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